January 30, 2016

You're an adult, you'll figure it out

JANUARY 30, 2016

If you’re unlucky, you’ve already heard (a lot) about my computer woes. After a good run, my Mac Book passed the point of any possible updates. Safari laughed in my face, and Chrome was patient but firm, that it could only take me as far as the poppy fields, Dorothy, and then it would be sleepy time. My battery was dying, and I was trying to run a business that relies ALMOST solely on this very expensive rectangle that, apparently, has an expiry date. (Damn it!)

After a good computer clean up, frozen screens, swearing, and a toddler-esque meltdown (me, and the computer) the conclusion was to get a new one instead of investing in an overhaul. (Damn it, AGAIN!)

My gut reaction to these unexpected 
$$$ expenses is always the same:

• panic
• tell everyone about my panic
• research how panicking will get me the best deal
• tell everyone how I (sort of) beat the system (by panicking, clearly) and saved $300
• be funny or sarcastic about giving in to the lure of shiny new things, ignoring the fact that others are worried about where their next meal will come from. (This is me inserting a little perspective.)

I know this is not a big deal...to some...but to me, I can’t help but react to ANY financial upheaval, no matter how insignificant to the observer, any other way than the way it was modelled to me as a child. And, I’m not alone. I see it in some of my clients, too; holding their breath, or tearing up, thinking they haven’t done or saved enough, no matter how hard I try to prove the contrary.

This gut reaction stuff is why I started the blog, which helped me start a business (run on empathy), and it’s why it now only takes me 12 hours (instead of days) to wake up and hit the yellow brick road again despite the Wicked Witch of the West’s attempt to paralyze me with financial fear. And when I say wake up, I mean it. At 3:30 in the morning, after going to bed with a hefty new visa balance, my brain did me the favour of making me juuuuuuust conscious enough to be aware of the voice inside my head, saying,

“You’re an adult, you’ll figure it out, you always do.”

The next morning I clicked my heels, headed out to pick up my airy new apple, and came home to emails from two new students (who would pay off my bill in short order). I figured it out instead of feeling bad about:

• debt
• buying shiny new things (that’s another story)
•myself and how I still have the shadow of old, negative financial blueprints written all over me in invisible ink

Gut instincts (or learned reactions), be they financial, emotional, or any other ‘fill in the blank’ category, are what make us unique, but they can also do double duty and make us (me) feel out of place when our (my) reactions to a problem seem out of scale to the situation at hand.

I’m living proof that reactions can change, evolve, and turn into an asset, instead of a hindrance ....well...they can if you’re awake enough at 3:30 in the morning to hear the uncharacteristically logical advice from the voice inside your (my) head.

It might only be a small victory but it’s a victory, nonetheless,

and I’ll take it, thank you very much.

This blog was brought to you in part by my jazzy new gadget (no regrets!!!!), and my VISA card.